I love coming home to a tidy place. I love opening the refrigerator door to find the grocery shopping done. If a vacuumed floor and washed dishes are a turn on to you, your Love Language might be Acts of Service. People who are Acts of Service are focused on “if you love me, SHOW me.” They want you to take something off their plate, to unburden their heavy load. They may not ask you to help, because that would be like begging for love. The mentality is often: “If I’m struggling, you should WANT to offer your help.”
When my primary and secondary love tanks are full (Quality Time & Physical Touch), I start noticing that I want Love Language #3: Acts of Service. There are certain tasks around our home that I don’t like. If my husband does them, that means he loves me. For example, when my husband and I walk the dog, I never have to pick up the poop. He takes the grocery bags out of my hands so I don’t have to lift anything heavy. When we go out for date-nights, he drives so I don’t get stressed. He opens the door for me…all of them. I can do all these things myself AND I don’t need to when my husband is there.
In the movie The Break Up (Aniston & Vaughn), there is a scene where the couple starts fighting after Aniston’s character had spent all day working, cooking for the dinner party, and cleaning the house. She wants to go to bed having the dishes done and wants his help. Vaughn’s character finally cooperates after being nagged. She refuses his help because “I want you to WANT to do the dishes.” His response, “why would I WANT to do the dishes?”
The motto for Acts of Service people is: “It would be nice if you did things I asked. It would be nicer if you did things without me having to ask you.” Agreeing to help and then not doing it, is a rejection of love. It’s not about the dishes.
Clues your Love Language might be Acts of Service:
- People have accused you of being a “princess” because you want to be waited on hand and foot.
- You think that a “good wife” must keep a tidy home and prepare a hot meal when the husband gets home.
- You are turned on when you come home and the floors are vacuumed, dishes are washed, and dinner is ready.
- You complain that you don’t get enough help around the house.
- When your partner is stressed, you try to “do” things to help.
- You test your husband to see if he remembers to take out the trash. You are in a bad mood if he forgets.
Essentially, a healthy relationship consists of all five love languages. The purpose of finding out what your primary and secondary love languages are is to communicate your personal hierarchy of need. Schedules get busy and priorities get dropped. Knowing your partner’s love language will help you focus your attention on the most impactful way of communicating love. Telling your partner exactly what acts of service communicates love to you will lead to a higher probability those things will get done.
What speaks love to me is that when my husband is around, my life is easier. Acts of Service Love Tank: full.
Reflect & Share: What is one thing your partner could do for you that would be an act of love? What three domestic tasks would you love for your partner to do because you hate doing them?
Find our your Love Language here.
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