Babysitters can take care of the kids. The housekeeper can do the laundry. Dinner can be delivered to your door. Sex in marriage is the one role that a spouse is ‘not allowed’ to outsource.
All marriages are vulnerable to temptations. We all need to be vigilant to make sure that we are the source for our spouse’s MOST important needs. Marriages start to fracture when highly-valued needs get neglected. The average man ranks “sexual fulfillment” as his number one need according to the book, His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage.
Husbands sign up for monogamy, not celibacy. There are a lot of angry married men out there that feel sexually deprived. There are a lot of over-stressed wives that have no energy left for their husbands. Our wedding day promise was to make our spouse our priority… then we fall in love with our children. Priorities shift and often times important needs get ignored.
Marriages need regular sex. There is only one person who signed up to be your LIFE-lover, your spouse. Hormone and energy levels impact sex drive. Sometimes it is timing. The request is denied because “now” is not an option (timing/lack of preparation). What is often heard is “not interested in sex with you” (rejection).
1. Sex is not to be used for power plays, punishment, or manipulation.
2. Make sex a priority. What needs to happen for you to have energy and interest?
3. Active sexual life is healthy. “He can feel sexually satisfied only when she joins him in the experience of lovemaking.” Be a willing participant.
4. Stop the excuses. Start making some deals that work for both of you.
5. Wives need to be the source of the husband’s orgasms. “The unfulfilled spouse starts looking outside the marriage because the thirst for the need to be quenched doesn’t go away.”
Sexual fulfillment is a real need that can be integrated into the priorities of real life.
Reflect & Share: How is a wife supposed to know if a husband is sexually fulfilled? What are some early warning signs that a husband is “sexually deprived”? What are some best practices to make sex a priority in marriage when life gets complicated?
Thank you in advance for the “like”, sharing this blog with friends, and commenting on the discussion.
Read Blog Series: Love on Purpose.
Communication Coaching: I serve by helping people develop their communication skills so they can have happy, healthy relationships. Contact me if you need tailored coaching.