For this blog series based on the book, His Needs Her Needs, the #4 need of the average married man is Domestic Support. A man’s fantasy of domestic bliss is coming home to an environment free of stress and worry. Men want to feel relaxed in the home.
Danger: Most men would have a hard time living with a wife who does little or no child care or housework. If cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing is not your talent, there are some options. Do it anyway to the best of your ability, negotiate limiting chores to ones you are good at, or outsource to a paid service-provider.
Dilemma: A woman’s compulsion is fair division of labor. Statistics tell us that women do most of the domestic chores. Maybe women’s standards are higher of what constitutes “clean” and “good enough.”
Perspective Shift: Nagging and disrespect do not motivate men to comply. Husbands get angry and then avoid, leading to feelings of being all alone (repeat cycle). The advice given in the book is for wives to expect to do everything themselves. If your partner does anything that is helpful, appreciate him. Expressing value for what he offers gets more help. Criticism of duties not done to a wife’s standards leads to more work and more frustration.
The domestic tasks that make my husband feel supported is to keep our home tidy, make sure the sink is free from dirty dishes, and always make sure there is milk for his morning coffee. I am by far, no June Cleaver. What I am able to do is make intentional deposits into my husband’s Love Bank for the domestic tasks that he highly values.
Reflect & Share: What top three things can you do to do “domestic support”? What three domestic tasks would be a deposit into your Love bank?
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Read Previous Blog Series: Love on Purpose.
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