“Is he tall and what kind of job does he have?” These are the two most important questions a friend asks when inquiring about a blind date. Although height is permanent, the ability to make a good living can fluctuate. Being able to financially provide for a family is a burden that historically has weighed on men. Modern life has increased our standard of living. Now two incomes are required in order to live “comfortably.” This blog series is based off of the book, His Needs Her Needs. Her #4 need is financial support.
There once was a time when a wife got pregnant and was never asked, “are you going to work or stay home?” There was never a choice to work outside the home. Now modern women struggle with the dilemma of starting a family while managing the financial hardship of another mouth to feed and the lifestyle adjustment required in order to remain “comfortable.”
The irony is that there are mixed messages to husbands: work as hard as you can to provide for your family’s standard of living AND why are you working all the time, you’re never home to spend time with the family. Now it is a luxury for wives to have the privilege to NOT work outside the home. Men never before had a choice, it was “grow up and start working.”
Danger: A wife can easily resent having to be a moneymaker over her desire to be a homemaker. When a wife becomes resentful, she feels anger, which leads her to not admire her husband (His Need #5) and to withdraw sexually (His Need #1). “Many men work themselves to an early grave providing what their families can do without.”
A woman’s basic expectation is for a man to be able to support himself.
Goal: Live on less. The man’s salary can cover the family’s basic needs. The wife’s income can help enhance the quality of life. The book identifies that without these budgets, the husband’s success in meeting his wife’s needs may be oblivious to her.
I believe in keeping life simple. No matter the fluctuating income, basic needs are kept to a minimum and we both understand what will get cut first if the budget is tight. My husband and I also value self-sufficiency. We both are able to earn money to take care of ourselves. I am the Captain of Financial Security since I place a higher value on squirreling money away for the future. I have an automated strategy that allows for us to not see the money, miss it, or spend it. How I define “financial support” in my marriage is for my husband to cooperate with THE PLAN (i.e. “don’t touch the system”). I make sure our budget is on track and our financial goals are in progress. When there are changes, I let him know, we decide what to do, and I take action.
Regardless of what kind of job a man has, it is important to look at lifestyle expectations and to define for yourself what “financial support” looks like in your relationship.
Reflect & Share: What changes would you have to make in order to live on one income?
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