HIS needs met + HER needs met = two satisfied people in a happy marriage. The challenge is to find the right combination for each partner. This blog completes the 12-week “His & Hers” series that has explored needs in marriage based off the book, His Needs Her Needs. The average man’s top five needs are Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Attractive Spouse, Domestic Support, Admiration. The top woman’s average needs are Affection, Conversation, Honesty/Openness, Financial support, Family commitment.
1. Sexual Fulfillment — Spouses sign up for monogamy, not celibacy. Marriages need regular sex.
2. Recreational Companionship— Find activities you BOTH enjoy doing together. “The couple that plays together stays together.”
3. Attractive Spouse— Be your Spouse’s Eye Candy
4. Domestic Support— whomever has higher standards of what constitutes “clean” vs. “good enough” should be in charge of that task.
5. Admiration— Be your spouse’s #1 fan.
6. Affection –just cuddling can strengthen a relationship.
7. Conversation — Frequency of conversation leads to everyday problem-solving and conflict resolution.
8. Honesty/Openness — Honesty and openness allows couples to resolve problems and make decisions together. Define what type of information needs to be revealed and what is considered personal privacy (TMI).
9. Financial Support – Budget necessities based on his income and use her income to enhance the quality of life. This way, a wife appreciates how a husband provides for her financial NEEDS. Living on one income allows a wife to have a choice to be a homemaker.
10. Family Commitment – prioritizing family events on the calendar takes planning in advance. Wives need their husbands to be good fathers, to go “all in” with them as they build a family.
During my self-designed Marriage Readiness program, this book was one of my must-reads. I wanted to learn about what marriage needs so I can be the provider of it. We did the assessment to find out our individual needs and to elaborate on what that would look like in our relationship. Most of our top five needs were close to the average. The assessment helped me realize that I really value the Domestic Support my husband provides and I have to make sure to continuously give the Affection he needs. The biggest lesson I learned from this book is: “Never let someone else meet your spouse’s (top 5) needs.” If we all stay vigilant in protecting the quality of our relationship, then we can be two satisfied people in a happy marriage.
Reflect & Share: What marriage needs of yours were not “average”?
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