“Two becoming one” is an interesting interpretation for blending lives in marriage. Some believe you need to meld into a single identity. It is a heavy burden to be someone else’s “everything.” There are some aspects of our lives that we don’t need to share with our spouses.
This week we will be looking at Secret #3: Have Outside Interests. The “Happy Wife for Life” series is based on the findings from Fawn Weaver’s book, Happy Wives Club, where she travels around the world to find the threads that weaves amazing marriages together.
Separate hobbies spark passion. The couples in the book who are in amazing marriages have their own thing going on that their spouses are not involved in. “A separate identity is important and keeps each person from ‘smothering’ the other or becoming bored with the other.” Having an outside interest means there is something that is purely your own.
One of my biggest resistances to the idea of marriage was that I did not want to surrender my identity. I had this perception that marriage would require me to be someone I’m not. I was also concerned that my husband was going to require me to participate in his hobbies, like collecting antique bottles and motorcycle riding. His excitement about going on a motorcycle trip is not the feeling I would have from the same experience.
My husband is equally not interested in my hobbies of book clubs and high-maintenance volunteer jobs. I am reminded that part of what I bring to marriage is my separate identity, my passions. My husband does not need to share every hobby or interest of mine. He loves how passionate I am and supports me in my pursuit of enjoying them. My husband’s annual motorcycle trip connects him to a side of himself that he doesn’t always get to experience. I enjoy the benefits of having a revitalized husband when he returns.
Giving each other the space to have our own separate identity helps us grow into more of ourselves. The passions we experience alone keeps our marriages sparked with energy. Thanks for joining me on my exploration of how to be a Happy Wife for Life.
Reflect & Share: What outside interest do you have that is not shared with your spouse?