The shift in America’s relationship with men has left men displaced in where they belong. The things that men did that were once highly valued have been outsourced. Where is the value of men in our culture?
There was a time while I was living in a developing country when I hated men. Not any man that I knew personally, just the strangers. There was an increase in disdain when testosterone-filled male adolescents congregate in groups, just loitering around: Watching, commenting, pointing. It was creepy, which made me hate them more. I hated how unsafe I felt just walking down the street alone in broad daylight. Being on-guard, constantly vigilant was exhausting. Men were the reason why I felt unsafe. There was only one way to ensure my safety. I had to be dependent on a trusted man to be my escort in public. My options were limited to a small group of males I knew. Their physical presence was the only way to deter constant harassment.
I was a young American female living in a male-dominated developing country. It was the beginning of a new millennium and I was in a time warp from the sexist 1950s. Liberation on my own country’s soil did not transfer over into a culture that limited a woman’s value to domestic chores and producing male-heirs to carry on the family name. I was an anomaly that warranted stares. I was a modern woman in direct conflict with men upholding a traditional conservative culture.
What I learned years later while taking “Man-Seminars”, is that I was operating in “Cavewoman”-mode, in constant alertness of danger and potential “tigers.” When I returned to America, there was still a vigilance to be aware of how men can potentially physically dominate over me. I transitioned from Cavewoman into metaphorically neutering men by squishing their power. I believed that if I took his power, then I would finally be “safe” from his potential threat.
This was not a good dating strategy. It wasn’t until I met my future husband that I realized that I needed to change my neutering ways. The dilemma I faced was how to feel safe AND still have a strong man around.
We all benefit when men are appreciated for how they are designed. Our culture loses when we look for other places to outsource what men are already great at providing. I learned that celebrating the value of men brought out their best. My man-hating eyes went from disgust to a man-adoring twinkle. I have become fascinated with men because I started to appreciate all the ways they try to provide for me. I never saw how amazing men are until I stopped trying to emasculate them.
The de-programming process started by taking Alison Armstrong’s training, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. “Returning His Balls” blog series will extract the best parts I learned while transforming my relationship with men. The first step is to work on myself. I had to stop neutering men’s power.
Thank you for joining me on My Journey to a Fulfilled Life.
Reflect & Share: How have you seen women emasculate men (neuter his power)? What changes can you make to stop yourself from emasculating men?
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