“You’re not wearing that out. Go change your clothes.” These are words from American fathers to their sexy-dressing teen daughters that begin fights. The mother may intervene in protest that “all the other kids dress like this” or “it’s cute.” When a man’s wife interferes with his ability to protect, she is emasculating him. She ignites an explosion.
The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” This week we will be exploring what happens to men after a woman emasculates him. Armstrong explains, “His loss of ability is accompanied by an emotional reaction of rage or fury.”
I have seen a man’s startling angry response that seems to appear out of nowhere. A wife may chastise her husband from preventing their daughter from wearing cool clothes that will make her popular. From a man’s perspective, he could care less about popularity. He wants his daughter safe when he can’t be around to protect her. The real issue is “don’t draw sexual attention to yourself because strange men will aggressively respond.”
Men respond to emasculation with resistance against being weakened. This shows up as a surge of energy, an explosion from having their power-source neutered, before they are completely deflated. Women don’t make the connection that she ignites the explosion by blocking his most natural instinct, to protect.
Halloween used to be home-made silly costumes. The trend has slowly warped into the sexualizing of girls from a younger and younger age.
A police officer outfit used to be a symbol of authority. Now it has been sexualized into a “sexy officer” outfit.
The American culture has taught women to emasculate a man’s ability to protect the smaller and weaker members of the group. A woman may see the explosion of a man’s intense anger as him being an insensitive jerk. This could make a man appear dangerous and trigger Cavewoman’s survival instincts. My Man-Lessons taught me to see the explosion and retrace the process to who is holding the match that ignited that response. Once I started to understand how men work, everything they do makes complete sense. I have been the woman holding the match. Now I see that I was the insensitive jerk.
Men are compelled to protect and provide for the people they care about, the ones they feel responsible for. A man interprets emasculation as disrespect. He feels tension because he doesn’t want to fight the people he loves and at the same time, his power is weakened to protect them.
There is a solution to this problem: A man gets “veto power” when he is accountable.
When a young woman advertises her sexual energy, it is her father who knows how other men will respond to the invitation. He protects his daughter from potential predators by insisting she turn off the sexual energy signal by saying, “You’re not wearing that out. Go change your clothes.”
Before I took Man-Lessons, I would have thought the dad was impeding on a teenage girl’s freedom of expression through clothes. Now I see his response as being a good protector. Every woman needs a strong protector. When we allow the men in our lives to follow their natural instincts to look out for our safety, we get better protectors.
Years later, that sexy-dressing teenager daughter becomes a man’s wife. While dressing up for a “girls night out” to the dance club, the sexy clothes come out. A husband is compelled to protect his wife, especially if he will not be around to personally keep her safe.
I have given my husband “veto power” when I dress-up. He may not explain how the dress I’m wearing invites sexual attention from strange men and that would make me potentially unsafe when he isn’t around to protect me. It will probably sound like, “You’re not wearing that out. Go change.”
Instead of igniting the explosion of rage from being emasculated, I honor my husband’s need to protect me by changing my clothes. This strategy is just one of many steps for modern women to take in the process of Returning His Balls.
Start reading Returning His Balls series from the beginning (here).
Reflect & Share: “What outfit do you wear that makes your man say, “you’re not wearing that out.”
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