A man doesn’t want to fight with his woman. He is compelled to protect her from harm. Sometimes women antagonize men and trigger him to become the Tiger of Danger.
The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” This week we will be exploring how NOT to fight a man’s nature. Armstrong says, “Women incite the most primitive defensive survival reactions in men…and then complain about them being unevolved.”
When faced with conflict, men generally have two options: fight or flight. Men tend to not be well-equipped to win verbal conflicts that are emotionally charged. They are designed to be bigger and stronger to win physical conflicts. Instead of physically engaging in aggression, men retreat to safety outside the zone of danger until things calm down.
Poking a tiger with a stick can lead to unpleasant outcomes. I have antagonized my husband with a topic of conflict that I demanded to be discussed right now.
I poke. He growls. I poke harder because maybe he didn’t understand what the poke means. He swats the stick in an effort to get me to back down. I relent and keep poking, insisting we talk about it. He disagrees with my behavior and growls louder. He may try to flee in order to stop an escalation. If I chase him and keep poking, I force him to fight.
When women poke men with a stick, he becomes the Tiger of Danger. Before my Man-Lessons, I would have yelled out “run away like you always do” or shared with a friend “how uncommunicative he is, what a jerk!.” What I now realize is that my husband flees when I poke him with a stick because he is trying to protect me from his reaction. It is an act of love.
The continuous lesson I need to practice is: Don’t Fight Nature. Instead of insisting, I can make a request to have a conversation when he is ready. I can put down the poking stick and take the next step in Returning His Balls.
Start reading Returning His Balls series from the beginning (here).
Reflect & Share: What do you do to “poke” your man’s inner-tiger of danger?
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