Women complain men aren’t in touch with their feminine side. No. Men don’t want to sleep in a pink palace bedroom-design that screams girly-girl. Expecting men to want what women want can upset stomachs and turn a dreamy pink palace into a Pepto-Bismal nightmare.
I recently had a conversation with my stepdad about the state of marriage and a husband’s role. I have been on an endless pursuit to find out how to make marriages last a lifetime, instead of having a lifetime of a string of marriages. My stepdad is in his 70s and has seen marriages change over the decades. He basically said that the problem is: women don’t value how men are designed.
The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” This week we will be exploring why we aren’t getting the best out of our men. Armstrong says, “As a result of being emasculated ALL the time—in relationships and in our culture—men are responding the opposite of what we really want.”
I’ve listened to a lot of complaints wives have about their husbands. Some of them include: “He doesn’t talk about what is really bothering him”, “He is so insensitive!”, “He doesn’t take initiative doing all the chores around the house that need to get done.” The list of complaints is long. Armstrong would call this the man’s plight of the “Misbehaving Hairy Woman.” Modern men are expected to behave the way WOMEN are designed. His frequent failure is pointed out and analyzed at length. A decision is made to nag more or revoke sexual access as a punishment. This strategy gets us the opposite of what we really want. Men are emasculated when they are expected to deny how they are designed.
The Opposite of What I Really Want: There was a time when I was the complaining woman who was appalled that a man didn’t want to sacrifice sleep to stay up late taking about our inner most feelings. I came to the unfortunate conclusion that I need to find someone who I can reprogram to be just like me so we can REALLY understand each other better. I have said things to men like, “I don’t need you. I could do it better myself. Step aside.” I became surprised that guys didn’t stick around for me to show them how strong I was by not needing him. My dating years were painfully barren.
After my Man-Lessons, I understood how I was shutting down the best of what men contribute and repelling them away. I became aware that my Alpha Female assertion did not get the results I wanted. My underlying message was, “You have no value in the game I’ve created around how I’m designed. You will never be able to win…why aren’t you trying hard enough? I guess I’m too strong of a woman for you to handle. Commitment-phobe!”
Men need clearly defined roles. They need to know how to maximize their strengths for the greatest contribution. Men need to know how to successfully win our hearts everyday.
A woman’s femininity can inspire a man to be his best. He just doesn’t want to sleep in a pink palace bedroom. Appreciating who a man really is helps him respond in the ways we really want.
What I learned is that when I “Like His Design”, my marriage gets the best of my husband. Identifying ways that I inadvertently emasculate the love of my life is another lesson in “Returning His Balls.”
Start reading Returning His Balls series from the beginning (here).
Reflect & Share: How do women expect men to be “Hairy Women”?
“Emasculated Men”article from From In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman
“Does Your Husband Feel Emasculated?” blog by YOURTANGO EXPERTS
“32 Facts That Show How Men Are Being Systematically Emasculated In America Today” article
“Do Breadwinning Women Have To Worry About Emasculated Men?” blog by Jessica Bennett at cosmopolitan.com
“Why Men Feel Emasculated – The 3 Big Reasons” blog by lovepanky.com
“The Incompetent Idiot Who Is The Modern Emasculated Man” blog by Aggie Catholics (video commercial examples)