I want to know how couples who start their wedding day saying, “I do” end up in divorce court saying, “I don’t.” I wonder if women make bad selections in men or if something happens throughout the process of being married that makes husbands want to cut his losses.
The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” Armstrong says, “[Men are] competing with us instead of cherishing us. Regarding us with fear instead of trust. Treating us with disdain instead of respect. Keeping their distance instead of allowing intimacy (which is something they want as much as we do). Protecting themselves from us instead of protecting us.” This week we will be exploring why husbands may want to leave the partnership.
Husbands vow to protect and provide. He shares his resources. He stands in front of danger to shield us from pain. He would sacrifice himself in order to save us. He is the hero. At some point, this may change. The wife may become the one who is the dangerous villain. He loses in the competition for her time and attention. He cowers at her wrath of criticism for not meeting her unwritten expectations. He avoids being home for very long. The husband starts making a secret new life…without his wife.
Marriage = Castration: Relationship consultant, Jon Pease, writes in an article about how his male clients basically believe that “marriage equals castration. Instead of actually using the term ’emasculation’, they say things like “Who am I?” or “Why does she need me?” The modern marriage is going through an identity crisis of figuring out who is playing what role in the partnership.
Being a damsel in perpetual distress is drama. Men want to be needed. He likes that you give him the pickle jar to open with his big strong muscles. He likes that you ask him to reach the top shelf to pull something down for you. He likes that his hands get dirty instead of yours on the icky-jobs around the house. He likes being the one who fixes the leaky sink that is driving you nuts. Men need to know they are wanted by valuing who he is and what he provides.
You pick the problem. Allow your Hero Husband to solve it. Let him save your day.
Appreciate him properly!
Reflect & Share: What can a man do to save YOUR day?
“Does Your Husband Feel Emasculated?” blog by YOURTANGO EXPERTS
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