There are a lot of employees who are getting by, enduring the drudgery of their job. They aren’t taking the initiative, they aren’t giving their best. These deflated employees are doing the bare minimum to fulfill the requirements to receive a paycheck. They don’t do anything right because the standards of perfection are impossible to meet on a regular basis. They are undervalued and unmotivated. The demanding boss has lead to a passive employee.
There are a lot of deflated men who were once excited about his job as a husband. Now he does the bare minimum and tries to avoid being criticized. There are plenty of women who are questioning if the man she chose was really a good fit for the job of husband. What happened to the energized partner who signed up for a lifetime and now isn’t working at his optimum? He was supposed to keep going and going…
The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” This week we will be exploring how everyone loses when emasculation depletes a man’s energy. Armstrong says, “By emasculating men, we are interfering with their natural, instinctive way of relating to us—which is to provide for us. When men have been castrated, weakened and handicapped, WE also lose. We lose their strength and their power. We lose their trust, respect, and devotion.”
It may be hard for some women to understand that a man has a natural instinct to provide. Men have the energy to keep going and going. To keep providing, to keep protecting, to keep being his best. What women do may be draining his battery of energy, this is called emasculation. A wife may say uninspiring things like, “Why don’t you get off your lazy butt and help me around the house?” Criticism doesn’t inspire men to want to give more. It costs him energy to endure it and recover from it. This is how wives end up with the bare minimum.
In the article, “Emasculated Men”, Dr. Laura Berman describes, “[how a husband’s role] is that of a passive employee, certainly not someone who would feel comfortable initiating sex or planning a romantic night.” The good news is that if what women are doing is the problem, they are empowered to be their own solution. Berman suggests, “you can be respectful and open to your partner’s input and opinions and let go of some of the requirements of perfection. You can give him room to “man up” and show him appreciation for what he does rather than point out what he doesn’t.”
Criticism drains a man’s energy. Appreciation recharges it. Telling a husband all the ways he has failed drains his energy. Telling a husband all the things you appreciate about what he does and what that provides for you recharges his energy.
When I am getting the bare minimum from my husband, I have to question what I am doing that is causing this result. Sometimes it was an off-handed remark that deflated his motivation to provide his best. Sometimes I interfered with his natural instinct to produce a result by criticizing his “process” because it looks different than mine. I don’t want a passive partner who is enduring his job as my husband. This means that instead of demanding, I can make requests. Instead of pointing out flaws, I can be excited that there is progress. When I stop emasculating, my husband wins his energy back. When I stop emasculating, I win the best of my husband. “Returning His Balls” lets everyone win.
Reflect & Share: How can I stop draining his battery? What can I start doing to recharge him?
Resources: “Returning His Balls” series starts here
“Emasculated Men” article from In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman