Tag Archives: emasculation

Returning His Balls: How to Respectfully Interrupt a Man (#9)

interrupt_2I’m an interrupter. I get so excited and I blurt something out when the other person hasn’t completed their thought. I hijack what they were going to share with a distraction of a new topic.

The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” This week we will be exploring how to respectfully interrupt a man.

interrupt_1Out of my Man-Lessons, this one is more how-to. I didn’t know there was a proper process to ask for a man’s attention when he is already single-focused on something else. This process made me aware that just because my husband is in front of me doesn’t mean that his attention is available on-demand. I just start talking, completely oblivious that he might be doing something else or I don’t even have his attention in the conversation. I also realized that this process works in the professional setting and interacting with more masculine-energy females.

Step #1: Apologize for the Interruption: “I’m sorry to interrupt.” To someone who is single-focused, being interrupted is frustrating. Starting out with an apology communicates awareness of being a distraction.

Step #2: Make the request: This is not a demand, it is a request. He has the freedom to say “no” to requests. This is not the time to launch into an hour long conversation about the finances.

Identify the Topic.  A man needs to decide if he is in a good position to continue.

  1. “ I have something I’d love to talk to you about.” This usually implies a story.
  2. “I need to talk to you about _______ (result)”. Example: I need to talk to you about the budget for the new year.
  3. “We need to decide about ________(decision)”. Example: We need to decide about our holiday travel plans.

Identify the Amount of Time Needed. This allows a man to decide to quickly finish what he was doing, to put you on hold, or to decide to return to it later. “I need about ____ minutes.” Example: I need about 20 minutes.

Step #3: Ask the Question: Don’t assume that just because NOW works for you, that it works for the listener. “When would be a good time to talk?”

This allows the man to decide: now, soon, or later. If he is focused on work-mode, then talking about holiday plans is going to be frustrating. Asking when is a good time allows him to decide, based on where his head-space is, to book a time. He may say, “after dinner” or “this weekend” or “remind me when I’m done with this.”

Quickie Interruption: For a quick interruption, wait for the cue that the man is ready. “I’m sorry to interrupt, can I ask a quick question? {ask the question}.” Example: I’m sorry to interrupt, can I ask a quick question? I’m going to the store, do you need anything?

This next part is key. A man will “transition” to focus, then he LOOKS. Tip: Wait for the look.

He might pause the TV, physically turn his body, and then look. Usually the look means he is ready to answer. The other key factor is “quick”, meaning a short answer like yes, no, or get milk.

By learning how to respectfully interrupt a man, I get the answers I need. I get to have the conversations I want when my husband is ready to have them. I learned to work with the art of timing and being patient. Just because I’ve been thinking about travel plans all morning doesn’t mean that he is ready to discuss it. I keep learning that when I communicate with a man the way that makes him receptive, I get the best out of him. Another important lesson on “Returning His Balls”.

Resources: Workshops: Celebrating Men (website), Free Local Workshops: (website), Start Small with Free Content (website)


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Returning His Balls: Emasculation Makes Women Lose the Best of Men (#8)

bored employee

There are a lot of employees who are getting by, enduring the drudgery of their job. They aren’t taking the initiative, they aren’t giving their best. These deflated employees are doing the bare minimum to fulfill the requirements to receive a paycheck. They don’t do anything right because the standards of perfection are impossible to meet on a regular basis. They are undervalued and unmotivated. The demanding boss has lead to a passive employee.

energizer bunny_2There are a lot of deflated men who were once excited about his job as a husband. Now he does the bare minimum and tries to avoid being criticized. There are plenty of women who are questioning if the man she chose was really a good fit for the job of husband. What happened to the energized partner who signed up for a lifetime and now isn’t working at his optimum? He was supposed to keep going and going…

The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” This week we will be exploring how everyone loses when emasculation depletes a man’s energy. Armstrong says, “By emasculating men, we are interfering with their natural, instinctive way of relating to us—which is to provide for us. When men have been castrated, weakened and handicapped, WE also lose. We lose their strength and their power. We lose their trust, respect, and devotion.”

It may be hard for some women to understand that a man has a natural instinct to provide. Men have the energy to keep going and going. To keep providing, to keep protecting, to keep being his best. What women do may be draining his battery of energy, this is called emasculation. A wife may say uninspiring things like, “Why don’t you get off your lazy butt and help me around the house?” Criticism doesn’t inspire men to want to give more. It costs him energy to endure it and recover from it. This is how wives end up with the bare minimum.

In the article, “Emasculated Men”, Dr. Laura Berman describes, “[how a husband’s role] is that of a passive employee, certainly not someone who would feel comfortable initiating sex or planning a romantic night.” The good news is that if what women are doing is the problem, they are empowered to be their own solution. Berman suggests, “you can be respectful and open to your partner’s input and opinions and let go of some of the requirements of perfection. You can give him room to “man up” and show him appreciation for what he does rather than point out what he doesn’t.”

energizer bunny_deflate Criticism drains a man’s energy. Appreciation recharges it. energizer bunny_inflateTelling a husband all the ways he has failed drains his energy. Telling a husband all the things you appreciate about what he does and what that provides for you recharges his energy.

When I am getting the bare minimum from my husband, I have to question what I am doing that is causing this result. Sometimes it was an off-handed remark that deflated his motivation to provide his best. Sometimes I interfered with his natural instinct to produce a result by criticizing his “process” because it looks different than mine. I don’t want a passive partner who is enduring his job as my husband. This means that instead of demanding, I can make requests. Instead of pointing out flaws, I can be excited that there is progress. When I stop emasculating, my husband wins his energy back. When I stop emasculating, I win the best of my husband. “Returning His Balls” lets everyone win.

Reflect & Share:  How can I stop draining his battery? What can I start doing to recharge him?

Resources: “Returning His Balls” series starts here

“Emasculated Men” article from In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman

Workshops: Celebrating Men (website), Free Local Workshops: (website), Start Small with Free Content (website)

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Returning His Balls: Hero Husbands Need to Save Your Day (#7)

divorce cake

I want to know how couples who start their wedding day saying, “I do” end up in divorce court saying, “I don’t.” I wonder if women make bad selections in men or if something happens throughout the process of being married that makes husbands want to cut his losses.

The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” Armstrong says, “[Men are] competing with us instead of cherishing us. Regarding us with fear instead of trust. Treating us with disdain instead of respect. Keeping their distance instead of allowing intimacy (which is something they want as much as we do). Protecting themselves from us instead of protecting us.”  This week we will be exploring why husbands may want to leave the partnership.

Husbands vow to protect and provide. He shares his resources. He stands in front of danger to shield us from pain. He would sacrifice himself in order to save us. He is the hero. At some point, this may change. The wife may become the one who is the dangerous villain. He loses in the competition for her time and attention. He cowers at her wrath of criticism for not meeting her unwritten expectations. He avoids being home for very long. The husband starts making a secret new life…without his wife.

wedding cake her saving himMarriage = Castration: Relationship consultant, Jon Pease, writes in an article about how his male clients basically believe that “marriage equals castration.  Instead of actually using the term  ’emasculation’, they say things like “Who am I?” or “Why does she need me?” The modern marriage is going through an identity crisis of figuring out who is playing what role in the partnership. 

Being a damsel in perpetual distress is drama. Men want to be needed. He likes that you give him the pickle jar to open with his big strong muscles. He likes that you ask him to reach the top shelf to pull something down for you. He likes that his hands get dirty instead of yours on the icky-jobs around the house. He likes being the one who fixes the leaky sink that is driving you nuts. Men need to know they are wanted by valuing who he is and what he provides.

hero husband cake topYou pick the problem. Allow your Hero Husband to solve it. Let him save your day.

Appreciate him properly!

Reflect & Share: What can a man do to save YOUR day?


“Does Your Husband Feel Emasculated?” blog by YOURTANGO EXPERTS

Workshops: Celebrating Men (website)

Free Local Workshops: (website)

Start Small with Free Content (website)

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Returning His Balls: Top 6 Ways a Women May be Emasculating Her Man and Not Know It (#6)

pink ball

1. Don’t groom a man in public like a schoolboy. Grooming behaviors need to be kept private. This means pluck the wild eyebrow hair at home.

2. Don’t criticize a man’s failings in front of others. Saying something like, “When he finally got around to fixing the drawer, he did it wrong, and now it still doesn’t work.” It announces all his weaknesses. This makes our protector vulnerable and depletes his energy. Complaints need to be gentle and in private.

man football couch3. Don’t shame a man for being selfish. Men are designed to have a strong relationship to getting what they need. This quality has allowed men to survive and procreate. For example, this may look like watching football on the couch Sunday afternoon. Decompressing stress may look like he “isn’t doing anything.”  What we can do instead is to share what we need and make a deal so we both can win.

4. Don’t kick him while he is down. Saying, “I told  you so” is not helpful (even though it may feel good at the time to remind him that you were right). Men respond to encouragement and our belief that he can be successful. Complaining and nagging deplete motivation to get up and try harder. Be his cheerleader instead…that means get out the pom-poms and chant some positive affirmations.

flamingo shoe choice5. Don’t ask his opinion unless we really care about his answer. Men have strong relationships to their opinions. When we ask for their opinion and dismiss it, we are devaluing all the energy he invested into assessing the pros and cons that lead to his answer. I have witnessed a wife do the flamingo by asking her husband which shoe looks best with her outfit. She held up one leg so he could see option #1, then switched, to show him option #2. He assessed the outfit and options. He decided option #1 was best. The wife dismissed his answer and went with option #2. The wife unknowingly disrespected the amount of mental energy her husband invested into helping her.

pink toolbelt6. Don’t insist on helping unless it is requested. Our good intentions can highlight his incompetence. This does not make him feel strong and motivated. My husband has learned to say, “I don’t need your help fixing this problem.” Oh. It is his gentle way to express I have over-stepped and need to put my pink toolbox away. He’s got this.

We may not even realize how we inadvertently emasculate men’s power by the small actions that drain his energy or flippant comments that make him shut down. Another move forward on the pursuit of “Returning His Balls.

Start reading Returning His Balls series from the beginning (here).

Related Resources:

“Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women” free content by Alison Armstrong (website)

“Top 10: Things Women Do To Emasculate Men. The Things Women Do To Emasculate Men” article by Brett Cassidy at au.askmen.com

“How Society Emasculates Men And How To Stop It Happening To You” article by Badass Young Men.

“Top Easiest Ways to Emasculate a Dude (And Rule the World)” blog by Tracy Moore from jezebel.com.

“The Incompetent Idiot Who Is The Modern Emasculated Man” blog by Aggie Catholics (video commercial examples)

“Why Men Feel Emasculated – The 3 Big Reasons” blog by lovepanky.com

“Does Your Husband Feel Emasculated?” blog by YOURTANGO EXPERTS

“32 Facts That Show How Men Are Being Systematically Emasculated In America Today” article by Michael Snyder


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Returning His Balls: Like His Design (#5)

pink bedroomWomen complain men aren’t in touch with their feminine side. No. Men don’t want to sleep in a pink palace bedroom-design that screams girly-girl. Expecting men to want what women want can upset stomachs and turn a dreamy pink palace into a Pepto-Bismal nightmare.

I recently had a conversation with my stepdad about the state of marriage and a husband’s role. I have been on an endless pursuit to find out how to make marriages last a lifetime, instead of having a lifetime of a string of marriages. My stepdad is in his 70s and has seen marriages change over the decades. He basically said that the problem is: women don’t value how men are designed.

The “Returning His Balls” blog series is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” This week we will be exploring why we aren’t getting the best out of our men. Armstrong says, “As a result of being emasculated ALL the time—in relationships and in our culture—men are responding the opposite of what we really want.

I’ve listened to a lot of complaints wives have about their husbands. Some of them include: “He doesn’t talk about what is really bothering him”, “He is so insensitive!”, “He doesn’t take initiative doing all the chores around the house that need to get done.” The list of complaints is long. Armstrong would call this the man’s plight of the “Misbehaving Hairy Woman.”  Modern men are expected to behave the way WOMEN are designed. His frequent failure is pointed out and analyzed at length. A decision is made to nag more or revoke sexual access as a punishment. This strategy gets us the opposite of what we really want. Men are emasculated when they are expected to deny how they are designed.

The Opposite of What I Really Want:  There was a time when I was the complaining woman who was appalled that a man didn’t want to sacrifice sleep to stay up late taking about our inner most feelings. I came to the unfortunate conclusion that I need to find someone who I can reprogram to be just like me so we can REALLY understand each other better. I have said things to men like, “I don’t need you. I could do it better myself. Step aside.” I became surprised that guys didn’t stick around for me to show them how strong I was by not needing him. My dating years were painfully barren.

After my Man-Lessons, I understood how I was shutting down the best of what men contribute and repelling them away. I became aware that my Alpha Female assertion did not get the results I wanted. My underlying message was, “You have no value in the game I’ve created around how I’m designed. You will never be able to win…why aren’t you trying hard enough? I guess I’m too strong of a woman for you to handle. Commitment-phobe!”

Men need clearly defined roles. They need to know how to maximize their strengths for the greatest contribution. Men need to know how to successfully win our hearts everyday.

A woman’s femininity can inspire a man to be his best. He just doesn’t want to sleep in a pink palace bedroom. Appreciating who a man really is helps him respond in the ways we really want.

What I learned is that when I “Like His Design”, my marriage gets the best of my husband. Identifying ways that I inadvertently emasculate the love of my life is another lesson in “Returning His Balls.”

Start reading Returning His Balls series from the beginning (here).

Reflect & Share: How do women expect men to be “Hairy Women”?


Workshops: Celebrating Men (website), Free Local Workshops: (website), Start Small with Free Content (website)

“Emasculated Men”article from From In the Bedroom with Dr. Laura Berman

“Does Your Husband Feel Emasculated?” blog by YOURTANGO EXPERTS

“32 Facts That Show How Men Are Being Systematically Emasculated In America Today” article

“Do Breadwinning Women Have To Worry About Emasculated Men?” blog by Jessica Bennett at cosmopolitan.com

“Why Men Feel Emasculated – The 3 Big Reasons” blog by lovepanky.com

“The Incompetent Idiot Who Is The Modern Emasculated Man” blog by Aggie Catholics (video commercial examples)

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Returning His Balls: Put Down the Sword (#1)

sword woman

Cavewoman is REAL. She is a woman’s primal persona that takes over when we feel threatened. This week I had an experience interacting with a frustrated young man. He was filled with testosterone and frustrated at the lack of results he had achieved. As his instructor, I have role power over him. My cavewoman was monitoring his level of agitation and subconsciously looking for an exit strategy if he got out of control.  I was reminded of something Alison Armstrong said, “Women can’t think straight in the presence of an angry man.” An angry man triggers a primal response of fight or flight in order to survive.

This blog series, “Returning His Balls” is based on the teachings of Alison Armstrong’s seminar, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” I took Armstrong’s Man-Seminars in order to understand the other gender. With men being everywhere; I decided I wanted to learn how they operate.


When Cavewoman feels a threat, one option is to “fight” in order to neutralize what could potentially cause harm. The weapon of choice is a metaphorical sword to a man’s source of power, his metaphorical balls. Neutering a man means stripping him of the energy he has to potentially over-power me.  This makes him weak.  Based on men’s reactions, they don’t like being weakened.

“Men experience emasculation as an attack.” In the process of thinking I’m safe because I have weakened a man’s power over me, I simultaneously made him vulnerable. Being vulnerable is a threat to a man’s survival. This triggers his Caveman because now I am the threat to his survival.

My Cavewoman was monitoring the testosterone level of a frustrated young man. She would have wanted me to grab the sword and deflate his power. However, all my Man-training kicked in. I remained calm. I knew that he wasn’t ready to receive help until he chose to listen. Forcing him would trigger an aggressive response. I waited until the frustration drained his energy. His body slumped when he sat down with exhalation. I told him I can help turn around his bad results. I asked, “Are you ready for me to help?” I waited until he made the conscious choice to move forward.

What I learned about men is that they respond to how I treat them. If I take a metaphorical sword of emasculation to his most precious source of power, I am attacking him. Part of the Man-training is to put down our swords. I made a vow, a covenant in front of witnesses, to stop emasculating men. Sometimes I soothe my inner Cavewoman early so she does not perceive a threat. I remind her that men go through a process of experiencing frustration and I need to calmly wait it out. Just because he is experiencing anger right now doesn’t mean he is dangerous to my physical safety. Other times I miscalculate and realize the sword is in my hand too late. My strategy for post-emasculation is to immediately apologize and return his balls. I recommit myself to my vow to Put Down the Sword.

Reflect & Share: What do women do that strips a man of his power because she feels threatened? What do men do that makes your inner Cavewoman fight or flight?


Workshops: Celebrating Men (website)

Free Local Workshops: (website)

Start Small with Free Content (website)


*Note: “Men” is implied to exempt the outliers of crazy, abusive, or psychotic, etc.

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Returning His Balls: The UN-neutering of Men (Series Overview)

balls_3The shift in America’s relationship with men has left men displaced in where they belong. The things that men did that were once highly valued have been outsourced. Where is the value of men in our culture?

There was a time while I was living in a developing country when I hated men. Not any man that I knew personally, just the strangers. There was an increase in disdain when testosterone-filled male adolescents congregate in groups, just loitering around: Watching, commenting, pointing. It was creepy, which made me hate them more. I hated how unsafe I felt just walking down the street alone in broad daylight. Being on-guard, constantly vigilant was exhausting. Men were the reason why I felt unsafe. There was only one way to ensure my safety. I had to be dependent on a trusted man to be my escort in public. My options were limited to a small group of males I knew. Their physical presence was the only way to deter constant harassment.

I was a young American female living in a male-dominated developing country. It was the beginning of a new millennium and I was in a time warp from the sexist 1950s. Liberation on my own country’s soil did not transfer over into a culture that limited a woman’s value to domestic chores and producing male-heirs to carry on the family name.  I was an anomaly that warranted stares. I was a modern woman in direct conflict with men upholding a traditional conservative culture.

balls_8What I learned years later while taking “Man-Seminars”, is that I was operating in “Cavewoman”-mode, in constant alertness of danger and potential “tigers.” When I returned to America, there was still a vigilance to be aware of how men can potentially physically dominate over me. I transitioned from Cavewoman into metaphorically neutering men by squishing their power. I believed that if I took his power, then I would finally be “safe” from his potential threat.

This was not a good dating strategy. It wasn’t until I met my future husband that I realized that I needed to change my neutering ways. The dilemma I faced was how to feel safe AND still have a strong man around.

We all benefit when men are appreciated for how they are designed. Our culture loses when we look for other places to outsource what men are already great at providing. I learned that celebrating the value of men brought out their best.  My man-hating eyes went from disgust to a man-adoring twinkle. I have become fascinated with men because I started to appreciate all the ways they try to provide for me. I never saw how amazing men are until I stopped trying to emasculate them. 

The de-programming process started by taking Alison Armstrong’s training, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. “Returning His Balls” blog series will extract the best parts I learned while transforming my relationship with men. The first step is to work on myself. I had to stop neutering men’s power.

Thank you for joining me on My Journey to a Fulfilled Life.

Reflect & Share: How have you seen women emasculate men (neuter his power)? What changes can you make to stop yourself from emasculating men?


Workshops: Celebrating Men (website)

Free Local Workshops: (website)

Start Small with Free Content (website)


Filed under Self-Growth