The beginning of this series began with a question about where men belong in a culture that has displaced their value. In the process of trying to be a strong modern female, I realized that I was neutering a man’s source of power. The result led me to be dissatisfied.
This blog series has been based on Alison Armstrong’s workshop teachings, “Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women.” My Man-Lessons have helped me take the first steps to see what has always been right in front of me. I never saw how amazing men are until I stopped trying to emasculate them. The first step started with working on me.
Put Down the Sword (#1) — “Men experience emasculation as an attack.” In the process of thinking I’m safe because I have weakened a man’s power over me, I simultaneously made him vulnerable. Being vulnerable is a threat to a man’s survival. This triggers his Caveman because now I am the threat to his survival.
Release the Squeeze (#2) — Modern women make their own money now. Many make more money than their male partners. I have seen women squeeze the bill tight, squabbling about who has the right to get the check. Paying the bill started off as a dating courtesy and has now become a modern woman’s competition with a man’s desire to provide…My Man-Lessons taught me that the best response is to smile, give my husband a kiss, and say “thank you.” Do not interfere with a man’s desire to provide.
Don’t ignite the explosion (#3) — Before I took Man-Lessons, I would have thought the dad was impeding on a teenage girl’s freedom of expression through clothes. Now I see his response as being a good protector. Every woman needs a strong protector. When we allow the men in our lives to follow their natural instincts to look out for our safety, we get better protectors. There is a solution to this problem: A man gets “veto power” when he is accountable.
Don’t Fight Nature (#4) — When women poke men with a stick, he becomes the tiger of danger. Before my Man-Lessons, I would have yelled out “run away like you always do” or shared with a friend “how uncommunicative he is, what a jerk!.” What I now realize is that my husband flees when I poke him with a stick because he is trying to protect me from his reaction. It is an act of love.
Like His Design (#5)– A decision is made to nag more or revoke sexual access as a punishment. This strategy gets us the opposite of what we really want. After my Man-Lessons, I understood how I was shutting down the best of what men contribute and repelling them away. I became aware that my Alpha Female assertion did not get the results I wanted. Men are emasculated when they are expected to deny how they are designed.
Top 6 Ways a Women May be Emasculating her Man and Not Know It (#6)– Don’t shame a man for being selfish. Men are designed to have a strong relationship to getting what they need. This quality has allowed men to survive and procreate. What we can do instead is to share what we need and make a deal so we both can win.
Hero Husbands Need to Save Your Day (#7) — Men want to be needed. He likes that you give him the pickle jar to open with his big strong muscles. He likes that you ask him to reach the top shelf to pull something down for you. He likes that his hands get dirty instead of yours on the icky-jobs around the house. He likes being the one who fixes the leaky sink that is driving you nuts. Men need to know they are wanted by valuing WHO he is and WHAT he provides.
Emasculation Makes Women Lose the Best of Men (#8)– Everyone loses when emasculation depletes a man’s energy. When I am getting the bare minimum from my husband, I have to question what I am doing that is causing this result. Sometimes it was an off-handed remark that deflated his motivation to provide his best.
How to Respectfully Interrupt a Man (#9)– Out of my Man-Lessons, this one is more how-to. I didn’t know there was a proper process to ask for a man’s attention when he is already single-focused on something else. This process made me aware that just because my husband is in front of me doesn’t mean that his attention is available on-demand. Step #1: Apologize for the Interruption. Step #2: Make the request. Step #3: Ask the Question.
Men are right in front of us, offering their best. My man-hating eyes went from disgust to a man-adoring twinkle because I chose to transform my relationship with men. I learned to stop doing the things that emasculate men and to start doing the things that bring out his best. Men protect and provide in so many ways. I now see that when I appreciate how men are designed, everyone wins. Men offer so much value that has been overlooked and has led us to believe they need to be neutered in order for us to feel safe. The “Returning His Balls” series has taught me that men don’t need to get fixed.
Thank you for joining me on My Journey to a Fulfilled Life.
Begin the series here.