PCV Life: “Dorina, My Playground Friend” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

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Culture: “Hungry, Can’t Cook” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

Week 4 & 5 (April 23, 2004)

I somewhat-kinda made dinner.

Meal preparation has a new meaning without a microwave. When Albania turns off the electricity, cooking becomes a mini-gas lantern, like camping.  One evening it was 8pm, the usual dinner time, and I had been conditioned to be hungry.

My host mom was not home from traveling to the capital for work. It was me and Albanian two males. If we were going to eat, it was up to me.  The refrigerators are a tiny bit bigger than an American office mini-fridge.  Food is bought daily and nothing is “instant.  There was cold food from the night before. I was going to heat it up in the oven…but I couldn’t figure out how to turn it on.

My 16-year-old host brother was closely supervising.  He did it for me. Then I decided that a salad would be safe. I was looking for a vegetable slicer and realized, “I’m in Albania.” No cutting board either.

I cut the vegetables on the counter when my host brother rolled his eyes. I was supposed to cut all the vegetables on a plate and then save the peelings to throw into the garbage so the neighborhood pigs could eat them. Duh.

I cut the tomatoes the wrong way. My host brother turned to me and said, “How do you eat in America, you don’t know how to do anything in the kitchen.” I laughed.

I let him continue cutting the vegetables for the cucumber and tomato salad.

My host brother tried to “explain” to me that cooking and cleaning is “Woman’s work.” Every feminist bone in my body gave me the energy to bite my tongue.

I shared that a man can “belong” in the kitchen. I told him that in other parts of the world, men cook AND clean. He was absolutely dumbfounded by this statement.

I told him that in equal relationships if the woman cooks, the man cleans. If the man cooks, then the woman cleans. That is fair since both people work outside the home and are both tired.

The response on his face was, “CRAZY talk!”  He was absolutely fascinated that men cook and clean. 

I have taught my host brother to prepare a meal to be re-served. I set the table, pulled the food out of the oven, we ate, and I did all the dishes.

My host mom didn’t get home until 10pm… Dinner was waiting for HER! It absolutely blew her mind.

I can’t technically claim I “cooked”, I “facilitated” the meal preparation.

Remember, there are only “small successes” in the Peace Corps.

20-Year Reflection: My husband still rolls his eyes and shakes his head at my attempts to “make” food in America. I do it wrong. He takes over and makes dinner.

Update: My host brother is now a restaurant manager in England!

Men do “belong” in the kitchen.

Culture: “Dating Rituals” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

Crash Course on Dating in Albania.

The volunteer group had another crash course on dating in Albania.  Volunteer guys are too scared to even date.  The honor of the Albanian girl and the family could be potentially at stake if there is a different interpretation of going to coffee.

The American guy is thinking, “You are cool, I want to get to know you better.” 

The typical Albanian girl is thinking, “I’m one date away from marriage.” 

One current volunteer said he doesn’t have any female friends.  There is no word in Albanian that refers to a “friend of the opposite sex.”

Culture Note: There is no reason for men and women to be friends. “There is always the sex thing that gets in the way.” Women are ALWAYS seen as sexual objects. Dating doesn’t exist. There are some arranged marriages, but most have a mutual friend/family member doing the “matchmaking.” Many people I know have married their best friend’s sibling. Teenagers lie to their parents and meet in another city so their families won’t find out they are in a secret relationship.

Any display of “coupleness” is viewed as an engagement.

Albanian Guide to Dating:

Step 1: Man intensely stares at women. 

Step 2: A woman smiling or making ANY form of eye contact is seen as “accepting” the stare. The perception of any returned attention is seen as the woman being “interested.” Man and woman are now secretly “dating”. Man publicly “tags” the woman as his hot pursuit to his friends. No other male friend is allowed to go after that same woman.  Man stalks woman to interpret next signal. For instance, if the woman walks by the man frequently.  It is completely irrelevant if it is required of the woman to walk by the man to get home.  Any speck of attention is seen as “the chase.” 

Step 3: The man asks the woman for “one minute” of her time.  If she is agreeable to talk to him for ANY duration of time, it is now a serious relationship.

Step 4: Go out for coffee. 

Step 5: Going out for coffee again…Engagement!

Peace Corps has regular “hub days” to teach us about the Albanian culture. Two months in, after the informational session on “dating in Albania” I had a realization. I have been making eye contact, saying hello, and walking by guys for weeks.

I blurted out to the entire group in disbelief, “Oh-My-God…I’m dating my entire neighborhood!!” 

Now I just smile at JUST the little kids and women. 

PCV Life: “Alban-glish” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

Quotable Quote:

“I had to look up ‘nose’ in the dictionary because I couldn’t remember if it is spelled with a ‘silent K (“knows”)” – Sarah B. shares while discussing how English words are slipping from our vocabulary as we continue to acquire the Albanian language.

Week 6 (April 25-May 1, 2004)

Communicating in Albanian is difficult. There is 10x as much grammar compared to English. Communicating feels like I’m a contestant on the “10,000 dollar Pyramid” game.

“A type of food…things you eat for breakfast…things that you fry…things that you bake…things that…”. 

This is a sample of how my mind works when intensely listening to someone talk to me:

“Something about how I am doing…what I have done…what I did yesterday…was it good.” 

Now I have to think of an answer while being limited by my vocabulary:

“Yesterday, I went to the Peace Corps office and had a boring meeting.”

How it is translated back into Albanian is:

“Not today….I go….office peace corps…and meet.” 

It takes me a really long time to complete a thought. I have to give my host family credit for having a lot of patience with me.

My grammar sounds like a 2-year-old trying to speak.

PCV Life: “Blurted Out My First Translation” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

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Culture: “UnWanted Attention from Boys” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

Week 4 & 5 (April 23, 2004)

“Dating” doesn’t exist here.

Women hang out with women. Men hang out with men. The guys here have porn magazines at all the newsstands. However, the girls ignore them and nobody wants to marry them. Since the guys are blown off, they can potentially become more aggressive in attempts to get attention.

The female volunteers find the balance between ignoring and giving the guys “enough” attention to look good in front of their friends. When one of the male volunteers was walking me home today, the teenage boys I met earlier remembered my name and kept saying “hello-hello-hello”.

One said he loved me…I’m adorable. I can’t blame him for that.

I was forced into a position to respond somehow, say something, or ignore it. Given that I’ll probably be teaching them at the high school, it is inappropriate for them to profess their love for me in public.

The male volunteer explained how the situation could potentially progress into more unwanted attention from the group of boys.

It is actually culturally offensive for a man to address a woman who is being escorted by another man. When we hang out with the one and only male trainee, he is seen as our bodyguard. The young men get more brave when the females walk in pairs, or even alone. They say “hello” in English because that is the only word they know or they think we speak Italian.

Constantly being on guard and in a heightened state of awareness is emotionally exhausting.

Five minutes later, the male volunteer called on the cell phone to tell me he talked to the group of neighborhood boys. He told me they reached a negotiated agreement.

The boys don’t have to STOP loving me, they just have to love me in SILENCE!

PCV Life: “Practicum Teaching English” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

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Culture: “Trash” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

There is garbage everywhere, more from a lack of garbage bins.

The best way to describe Albania in this respect is in a smaller dose. In my house, there is one “mini” trash in the whole entire place. Albania has little trash bins and A LOT of trash.

People just throw it on the ground.

If this happened in California, someone would yell “litterbug” and a $500 fine would be given.  Here, it is normal to just drop whatever piece of trash you no longer need. 

The good news is that the group of local pigs that wander the streets get fed.

Albania is a contradiction.

PCV Life: “How old am I?” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

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PCV Life: Culture “Shock & Ugh” – Peace Corps Albania 2004-2006: (Charmania in Albania)

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