Appreciation at Work: Challenges to Overcome

Trying to stay focused on co-workers’ different needs of appreciation can feel like a juggling act. Giving the right amount of focus to the right person in the right way at the right time can feel like there are too many balls in the air to try to catch.

In this blog we will be exploring the challenges of expressing appreciation. This series is based on Gary Chapman & Paul White’s book, “The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace.”

Expressing appreciation is not a one-size-fits-all strategy. It takes intention to express value to others effectively. The following are a list of barriers that may stop you from implementing appreciation. Action steps are provided to help nudge you forward.

A. “This Takes Too Much Mental Work”: One reason why a person may be resistant to implementing “Appreciation at Work” is that it can feel like there is a lot of analysis involved. There are three easy ways to take the guess work out of assessing what each co-worker needs to feel appreciated.

Action #1: Post preferences. One idea is to buy a button that coworkers can wear or post a sign in the work space. This strategy reminds people about appreciation and directs them to what style has the most impact.

Action #2: Have your team take the MBA Inventory assessment. Compile the results into one, easy to read, document for the team. (download template)

Action #3: Take baby steps. Practice expressing appreciation in small ways first. Read “Top Ten Easiest Ways to Express Appreciation to Almost Anyone” (article). An actionable first step is to greet co-workers warmly with a smile everyday.

 

B. “We are Not that Close”: We can spend up to eight or more hours a day with our colleagues and still not feel connected. Some relationships are strained while others are tense. Building strong relationships takes effort.

Action #1: Don’t ignore tensions. Assess what is going on. One tip from the article “How to Prevent Praising Co-Workers from Backfiring on You” suggests checking-in with a trusted colleague to get a third person perspective of the relational dynamics (article).

Action #2: Start building trust. Read the article, “Cutting Through Cynicism with Authentic Appreciation” (article).

Action #3: Watch the video, “Why Some People Have a Hard Time Trusting” to learn about why there may be limited trust in the workplace (video).

 

C. “We Don’t Need This”: Some attitudes in organizations may say that all this “touchy-feely” stuff is not our thing. Feeling valued is a human need. Expressing appreciation effectively allows people to feel that what they do matters.

Action #1: Test the assumption by reading the article, “Picking Up Cues Indicating That Your Colleagues Need to Feel Appreciated” (article).

Action #2: You may not realize how toxic the communication climate is with your colleagues. Take the online assessment to find out if you are in a dysfunctional workplace (quiz).

Expressing appreciation at work can be challenging at first.It can feel overwhelming analyzing what the right type of appreciation is for the right person at the right time. It is a juggling act that begins with one action step. One ball at a time until you can handle more.

Reflect & Share: What is stopping you from implementing appreciation in the workplace?

Resources:

1. Take the assessment to find out what specifically YOU need to feel appreciated. ($15 or free with purchased book). There are specialty assessments for school, medical, non-profit/ministry, military, and long-distance.

2. Buy: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (book)

3. Learn more by watching videos

4. Appreciation Button (buy)

Appreciation at Work: Series Overview

Many people say, “my co-workers are like family.” In order to have healthy relationships with our professional family, we need to give them the appreciation/love that they need in order to “fill their tank.” Appreciation impacts retention and attitude. It helps people feel valued and leads to an increase in job satisfaction.

The 5 Love Languages has changed the dynamics of every one of my relationships. I continue to learn how to love on purpose and intentionally the way the recipient understands. This blog series is based on Gary Chapman & Paul White’s book, “The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace: Empowering Organizations by Encouraging People.”

My first job out of college was in an administrative role. I got my first taste of a one-on-one with a manager that included a list of things I was doing wrong. Nothing positive. This is a common complaint employees have, no feedback or only negative feedback. Most managers don’t sit you down for 20 minutes to tell you the long list of accomplishments that positively impacted others and to reiterate how awesome you are doing. That would be a meeting every employee would be early to attend!

Five things to know about Appreciation at Work:

1. Complacency for the Under-Recognized Employee.  If nobody recognizes effort and results, the drive to do better decreases over time. We tend to see this with employees who are in positions of high “job security”. The employee is waiting to retire instead of producing their best. The complaint can sound like, “why try when nobody cares?”

2. The Right Effort from the Organization in the Wrong Place. Not everyone receives appreciation the same. Being subtle when the employee wants public praise on the microphone can be underwhelming or putting a lot of attention on someone who doesn’t want to be in the spotlight can feel embarrassing. Motivated managers may be investing in a one-size fits all type of appreciation that doesn’t lead to the intended outcome for individual needs.  “Even in companies where recognition is deemed important, efforts at expressing appreciation are often ineffective.”

3. YOU matter. What you DO matters. A genuine expression of this message is impactful. Catch employees/coworkers doing something right that you would like them to continue and recognize it. For example, an employee who is detail-oriented at work catches potentially costly errors performs her job well. The employee being detail-oriented can be an expression of her core value of conscientious and her personality-style to double-check.  “Appreciation focuses on performance AND the employee’s values as a person.”

I have worked with a coworker who will greet everyone in the morning as she walks through the halls. I really appreciate being the recipient of a smile and a cheerful, “good morning!” My coworker is a friendly, warm person who is enjoyable to interact with. People feel comfortable talking with her, which allows her the opportunity to be the person who has a pulse on what is really going on and can help others do their jobs better. I appreciate what she does for the team AND who she is as a person.

4. Appreciation is Good for Business. Replacing employees is expensive. It is costly to the organization’s bottom line to advertise, hire, and train someone new. The silent cost is a decrease in morale and the loss of an experienced employee.  “Helping employees and staff feel wanted and appreciated can help ease their fears.” When employees know they are valued, they can focus on doing their job well instead of worrying about if they are going to lose their job.

Retaining quality employees is cost-effective. People who love their jobs bring their best. Employees who are working at full-potential positively influence the culture and that can lead to higher customer service ratings.

5. Appreciation is Good for Teams. The people who tend to know us the best are the ones we interact with frequently. When members know how to express appreciation effectively, it makes the team stronger. Stronger teams lead to quality productivity which can  get better results.

The goal of this blog series is to learn the tools to communicate appreciation in meaningful ways to the individuals we work with. The five areas of appreciation we will be exploring is: Words of Appreciation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Tangible Gifts, Physical Touch.

If “coworkers are like family” then I want to make sure they know how much I value them. I want to affirm that I see the importance of what they contribute and to actively recognize it. Thank you for joining me for the beginning of this blog series of self-discovery that will benefit our professional life. My purpose is to provide bite-sized pieces of wisdom on this “Journey to a Fulfilled Life” at Work. 

Reflect & Share: What does your organization do that is “one-size fits all” for employee recognition? Have you stayed at a job because you felt valued? What did your coworkers/manager do to express “you matter”?

Other Blogs to Read:

“Speaking Words of Love” (blog)

“The Language of Appreciation in the Workplace” (blog – Servant Leadership and Scrum, by Cherie Silas)

“Top 10 Reasons Why Employees Quit Their Job” (article by Susan M. Heathfield)

“Top Reasons Why Americans Stay At Their Jobs” (article  by  Gary Belsky)

“Top five reasons why employees join and stay with organizations” (article by David Witt)

“Survey Says Organization’s Culture is #1 Reason Employees Stay” (article by Sarah Trovato)

“The Seven Hidden Reasons Employees Leave” (article by Leigh Branham)

Resources:

1. Take the assessment to find out what specifically YOU need to feel appreciated. ($15 or free with purchased book). There are specialty assessments for school, medical, non-profit/ministry, military, and long-distance.

2. Buy: The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace (book)

3. Learn more by watching videos

4. MarieTV: “My Secret Weapon For Leading A Happy Team” (Marie Forleo)

Drawing the Line: Boundaries at Work (#3)

“YOUR procrastination is not MY emergency.” I am a planner so I have little empathy for people who wait to the last minute and scramble around causing panic for others. I provide resources to empower the students I manage to find the answers they need. I intentionally don’t tell them the quick answer they want. I say, “Let’s all get out the syllabus and find out.” I put the accountability of finding out information back on them.

This is the third blog in a series based on the book, Boundaries. We will be looking at how we can “Draw the Line” to protect ourselves at work.

A lot of conflict can erupt when people are not clear about expectations and responsibilities. The book identifies common boundary problems at work.

1. Getting saddled with another person’s responsibilities – When we make someone else’s job our priority, then our responsibilities get neglected. We are paid to complete our responsibilities.

2. Working too much overtime – When we have limited time to accomplish the task, we can focus better and release the non-important tasks. Instead of working overtime, the book suggests asking your boss a question. “If I am going to do A today, I will not be able to do B until Wednesday. Is that okay or do we need to rethink which one I need to be working on?” Realize your limits and do not allow work to control your life. Limits force prioritization.

3. Misplaced priorities— If time is limitless, you may say yes to everything. Spend time on the most important things. Don’t allow yourself to be sidetracked by distractions that are not high value. Your boss’s essential goals must get done.

4. Difficult co-workers. You must see yourself as the problem, not the other person. You only have control of yourself.

One of the bite-sized pieces of wisdom that I got from the Boundaries book is to embrace work as a spiritual journey. Thinking of work as a partnership between me and God allows me to be generous with my talents so I can continue to develop them. Through refinement, I can better serve others.

I actively manage 150 people every semester. I found myself frustrated because I felt responsible for poor quality work produced by students. In the process of “Drawing the Line” I was able to protect myself from people taking time, energy, and resources that I’m not willing to give. I decided to define what is on my side of the line: It is my responsibility to make expectations clear. I set a reasonable time-frame for task completion. I provide clarification of what I want the end result to look like. I set aside designated time to answer follow-up questions. I am not responsible for poor quality work. I am not responsible for last-minute scrambling around that causes panic. I am not responsible for the emergency caused by procrastination. I will soon give my line an upgrade so I don’t  have to SAY “it’s in the syllabus” over and over again because students don’t want to be accountable for finding out the answer themselves. Instead, I will follow the lead of another professor and get the shirt.

Reflect & Share: Which of the boundary problems do you struggle the most with? Who do you need stronger boundaries with at work?

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Other Resources

Roles & Boundaries in Higher Education

Online quiz: Boundaries at work

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